trials and tribulations

I want to take everthing with me. Not everthing fits in m bags. Everytime I put something new in my bag, I feel tears prickle as I think of the memories each object has for my. Two race cars given to me by two amazing little kids. Tears. Picture frame with one picture of me and my best friends. Tears. State shirt. Tears.



I hate this process. Leaving has never, ever been this hard on me before. I've done it so many times. It shouldn't be this hard. Uprooting has something I've become used to. I haven't been here any longer than aywhere else I've lived, so why is it so different.



I know that I'm going where I've always wanted to, learning to do something I love, and trying my han at the world on my own. None of that scares me. Its not even the venture into the unknown thats got me terrified. It's leaving what I've grown so fond of. Everything here is a part of me and leaving it feels like I'm leaving myself here. This is the first time the feeling inside ofme has been so clear. I understand what I'm feeling now, but it doesnt change a thing about it. I want to just transport my whole life with me when I go, but I cant, I can onl take what I can fit in two suitcases, and that doesn't even include a teddy bear...